14 signs your car is a death trap (or maybe you’re just a bad driver)

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  1. Every time you get in you pray that you don’t die.
  2. You also pray that you don’t cause any accidents.
  3. When you say, “there’s dead animal under the hood AGAIN,” people are horrified but honestly at this point you aren’t surprised, just incredibly disappointed.
  4. Whenever it rains you have to drive 20 mph and suddenly you’re the car that’s causing the 30-car-long trafficalong Route 119. Sad.
  5. You do everything you can to avoid getting on the highway.
  6. When you do get on the highway, and it happens to be windy, you feel your car being blown into a different lane and hold on for dear life.
  7. No one lets you drive them anywhere.
  8. When there’s ice on the road you give up on going uphill ever again.
  9. Putting on your high beams doesn’t improve your vision at all, so you give up on that, too.
  10. During the winter, whenever you need to put gas in the car you actually have to put gas in twice because your car’s gas tank can’t register new gas when it’s cold.
  11. When it’s above 37 degrees outside your car turns on the AC without warning.
  12. You turn up Bruno Mars’s “Just The Way You Are” in order to drown out the rising suspicion that you are going to crash at any moment. (“No one listens to that song anymore.” — my sister, about an hour ago. “Except for me, when I’m trying not to die!” –me.)
  13. You can point out multiple places along main roads where your car malfunctioned.
  14. Sometimes, just for fun, you Google how much your car is worth just to see how much it would cost to get a real, working vehicle.

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